She Popped?

When you live with a kid who is significantly speech delayed you really have no clue what she is thinking about. Really, you have no idea IF she even thinks about things at all. I know "A" is a tremendous observer. She notices EVERYTHING and I believe she is pretty smart judging by how quickly she catches on to the things she observes. But now that she is 4 years 4 months, and a year away from transitioning to Kindergarten, I have been wondering about how well she is picking up on things when it comes to verbal learning. She seems to be doing as well as her peers in most areas, so I don't really worry all that much, but when you get so little expressed verbally, it isn't always clear where she at and what she really understands.

"A" is a joyful and fairly well adjusted kid. She is head strong and stubborn, but most of the time recovers quickly when she gets angry or can't get her way. While I know she is a pleaser and knows how to make people happy, I do trust that she is a happy kid, overall. Trusting what I observe is important for me to remember in the absence of speech, which is ironic since my professional life as a therapist relys so much on listening to what is said. When we are with "A's" peers, I am always shocked to hear how much they talk and the kinds of things they think about and express. It always makes me a little sad to know so much more about the thought process of her buddies, than those of my own daughter. Thankfully, our ST has given me great suggestions about ways to help move things along.

The past two - three months things have changed significantly. "A" has gone from mostly 2 word statements, to full phrases and even the beginning of conversations. Each time we have a back and forth exchange about something a little more complex than discussing our schedule or the contents of dinner, I am still a little stunned. Yesterday, she asked me if I had a nice day at my office and then followed it up with asking about what I did and why. It's not just the talking that surprises me, but it's the window into what is happening in her head outside of the typical pleasure seeking focus of the average 4 year old.

Over Labor Day we went to visit my family in MI. "A" was very close to Molly, my parents dog, who recently passed away. I agonized about what to say to her, as I am not even totally clear about my own beliefs about what happens when we die. A week before we went to MI I explained that we would not be seeing Molly at her Grandparents house. I explained that Molly was very old and because of this her body stopped working and she died. "A" acknowledged what I said and didn't ask any questions. I had no clue if she understood anything I said, but thought it was interesting that she stopped asking my dad to talk to Molly each time we called, as she has regularly done for a year. When we got to MI she didn't look for Molly and didn't say a thing (usually her favorite part of the visits). Two days into the stay, we see the doggy door and "A" asked what it was. I said "you know what that is, honey, what is it?" She said "Molly's door, where's Molly?" I asked her if she remembered that Molly had died and again explained it in the exact way I had before. She looked me right in the eye and said, "Oh, Molly popped?" I was totally perplexed, until I realized just a half an hour before a balloon she received had popped. I thought it was such a strange question, but then decided that maybe it was actually a very profound statement. Don't want to give her too much credit, but if you think about it, she might not be all that off. Whether or not she really pictured the dogs body going away and her soul going out into the universe, she seemed to understand the finality of death in some way. She hasn't brought Molly up again after that.

We drove on that trip to MI. About 2 hours into the 5 hour drive, "A" looks up from her Mickey Mouse Video and says "mom, when I was a baby I was in your tummy, right?" WTF, where did this come from? We went from Me: "A, what did you eat for lunch today?" and "A" responding: "Milk and water" every single day, to this! Hasn't the girl heard of gray? Once I got over the shock of knowing she even thinks about this stuff, I felt such relief. Relief to be able to begin these conversations. I certainly fumbled all over the place with that one, but am thrilled to be really beginning taking our communications to a new place and level.

This morning when I asked "A" if she knew where she lives (she does). She said "China". I said "You lived in China when you were a baby, honey, but remember mommy came and got you and took to our home. Do you remember where that is?" She answered correctly, and then added "when I a baby in China I had an owie on my lip" and showed me her cleft scar. She then proceeded to tell me how it used to hurt and that she got a band aid and now it is better. Again, I find myself speechless and so very grateful to have an opportunity to get a glimpse into her inner world.