Hitting the wall

I will be kicking myself for saying this when the gray days of winter hit, but I am so ready for this summer to end. We have had such a wonderful summer in so many ways, but this heat and humidity have been killing me. Summers have always been full of fun festivals, art fairs, outdoor concerts and BBQs. Since becoming a mom, though, they have been so much more. This summer has been about learning to swim and ride a bike, frequent visits to the park and beach, BBQs with friends, sidewalk chalk, kicking around a ball, the zoo, loads of ice cream and so much more. I feel like we have lived it fully. But all this fun has been accompanied with a sense of dread, as it has required me to be outside.

Winters are long here, and we certainly don't spend as much time in the fresh air as I would like. So when it is "nice" out, I feel compelled to spend time outside. Plus, summer is a time of so many free fun activities that the thrifty part of me hates to miss out. I don't think I am lazy by nature, but when it is hot and humid out I just want to sit on my couch and stare at the walls. I don't have central air, only window ACs which haven't fully done the trick this summer. So even sitting doing nothing, isn't really pleasant. Even with the AC on I find myself still sweating after my shower while I try to put my make up on, and the chocolate chips in my pantry seem to soften and form into a blob during the days I am out of the house with the AC off. The humidity never seems to leave, which is probably the problem. The heat just zaps my energy. Having a four year old, though, doesn't really afford me the opportunity to just sit around or escape to the movies.

Last night I totally hit my wall. We were out "playing" miniature gold with friends. "A" was red-faced and soaked with sweat, (my girl is a MAJOR sweater, by the way) and I had much more than a glow about me, too. I knew we were getting home past normal bedtime and the idea of yet one more bath for this kid made me start to feel pissy. We went to dinner at a place that ended up being crowded, stuffy and running crazy slow with serving. I started to feel claustrophobic and overstimulated. "A" was in velcro mode and I just wanted to jump out of my skin. I felt like I had to work very hard to be nice and carry on a conversation, all while wanting to jump up and start screaming and throwing things. I felt terrible that I was probably a bit bitchy, but I think my months of being adaptable and active came to an end. I got home and put the girl to bed rather than a bath. At that moment it was easier to consider changing her sheets than spending one more minute taking care of someone. I just sat on the couch and cried.

A good night sleep did me well and I decided that other than running a few errands we would stay in for the day. I let "A" watch a ton of videos, which is a rarity here, while I read the paper, cooked and putzed around on the Internet. It was a nice day and I feel no guilt.