Pulling a Linda

When I was growing up my mom was know for doing some pretty ditzy things. She isn't really a ditz, but has difficulties being fully present a lot of the time and therefore seems to have a greater share of mishaps than the average person. As long as I remember we called any ditzy act "pulling a Linda" in my family. "Pulling a Linda" can range from falling for no apparent reason (and getting lipstick on the white carpet), spacing it and leaving the cleaning at the dry cleaners after paying, leaving tags on new clothes while wearing them, accidentally throwing away the remote control or pulling a little too far into the garage and putting a hole in the wall multiple times a year. I love my mom for her quirkiness, but certainly would never want to emulate this trait. (And when any of my family members do, we just blame her. It's never hard to find the link.)

I have spent much of my 40 something years being pretty compulsive and methodical. Maybe it's something about the way I am hard wired, or maybe it's an overcompensation to growing up with Linda. You can imagine my horror to be noticing my own growing number of "Linda stories" that seem to be accumulating over the recent months. I am hoping that it is just stress and will not become my new normal, but I am starting to wonder. Last week at daycare drop off I took off my coat, instead of A's, and hung it on the little hook. She looked at me with the most perplexed little face before what had occurred had sunk in. The week before that I left my computer on and my keys at the office TWICE.

My life is very carefully constructed these days. It's the only way I have been able to make being a single mom without family in the area work. Most of the time we have a good rhythm going and life flows fairly easily. Being present is really important to me, and I do my best to really "be there" when I am with A. Balancing getting everything done AND being present takes a lot of work and planning. However, when something out of the ordinary happens and something extra gets added to the mix, it doesn't take long before things start to head south and find myself "pulling Linda's". This fall has been filled with many extraneous things that have caused a lot of stress. A got H1N1 followed by a few nasty colds, a few things have gone wrong at home which required someone to be there for a worker to do his thing, car issues, holiday shopping and a trip to visit family for Thanksgiving. You get the idea - none of these things are too out of the ordinary, but are enough to tip the balance of things. The biggest stress for me, though, has been a slow to unfold drama related to my office situation that ends with my needing to move. There were many twists and turns along the way that in reality could make a pretty funny SNL skit. I was at a Christmas party over the weekend and had people in tears they were laughing so hard at some of the craziness that has occurred over the past 3 months. However, at the end of the day having to move my practice, when it is not my choice (and there is a lot of money lost due to some of the unusual circumstances involved) has not felt very funny. It has been an undercurrent stress that has challenged me on multiple levels.

Right now I share an office with a colleague and good friend. We share expenses but have separate clinical practices. It works well. We are in a location that works very well fur us and for our clients. We have been in this space for 6 years and love the energy, aesthetics, and mood we have created. Finding something that feels right, has not been easy. Clients get attached to space, location, and a rhythm of things. I don't look forward to having to tell them all about the move. Finding a location and physical space that really works is important to us in they way we function as therapists. I know its the work that we do and the relationship we have with our clients that really matters, but the office also really communicates something, too, about who we are as people. For me, any old space will not do. It's funny that it is a time with so much office space on the market that people can't get rid of, yet we are having a hard time finding a space that we both feel good about. The closest one so far added about 15 minutes to my commute and the idea of rushing to get to daycare before the witching hour seriously throws me into a panic attack. Right now, I have built in some wiggle room for pick up. I don't want to be a basket case when I get to A due to unexpected weather, traffic issues, or even difficulties getting my last client out the door. Adding 15 minutes would mean that I can't encounter ANY problems at the end of the day, and I can see the writing on the wall about how well that will work out. Cutting out my last client isn't financially feasible, as I have already had to cut back in order to work around the daycare day. I am feeling stuck knowing that we have to find something soon in order to have a space ready for the move by Mid-March. My head spins with all that a move will entail, and I wonder where I will get the time to do these extra things to pull it off.

I do trust that things will work out, as they always do. In the meantime, though, it seems to me that the true measure of my stress will be how many times I seem to "pull a Linda" in the coming months. At least the "Linda Stories" will provide a lot of laughter along the way.