inching towards milestones

A is going to be 3 in a few weeks, I can hardly believe it. I know there is a pretty wide range for for when kids reach certain milestones in toddlerhood, but A seems so young to me in many ways. When I met her at 25 months she temporarily regressed in many areas, but it wasn't long before I was able to see that she was actually in pretty good shape developmentally. Her speech was very delayed, which I expected, but she was pretty close to on target with her gross and fine motor skills according to her EI evaluations. As I have talked about in previous posts, emotionally, A has really come a long way, but that has taken a lot of work.

Over the past 10.5 months, my focus and concern has been about attachment and A's growing sense of safety and permanency. We have been working hard at speech, which is SLOWLY coming along, but otherwise have not pushed areas of development that are typically the focus of 2-3 year olds. I chose to keep A in the 2 year old room at daycare, rather than moving her into the 2.5 year old class. I wanted her to get really comfortable there and let her be, rather than moving her up with her peers. I deliberated over this for a while, but in the end chose this route knowing that A's real growth seems to come when she really gets settled, vs in that hypervigilant mode of adapting to change. I wanted her to get a chance to really learn some of the things she was exposed to earlier, but didn't really sink in. I wanted to give her a chance to be the older and more competent, rather than the one playing catch up. The downside is that, while her attachment is good, she still seems emotionally younger than her peers. I don't know if this is related to having lived in an orphanage setting (even if it was better than many) or because I tend to hold her back too much.

It's not just daycare that I have held her back some. A still sits in a high chair (easier for me) and is still in a crib (which I think she likes). And then there is potty training, which I will get into more in a bit. I am sensing that it is time to make some change, but find myself scared of overwhelming her, so I delay. I have a plan with the director of A's daycare to move her into the preschool on June 1st. That feels right in my gut, so will move ahead with this. But the other pieces, I just don't know.....I have purchased a big girl bed, but it is not yet in our condo. She likes being babied, yet is clearly showing signs of being ready for more independence. Her speech has taken off (in a still very delayed kind of way). I see my girl growing before my eyes, yet I worry about the role I should take in helping her along...

A has shown no interest in potty training at home, even though we have all the DVDs, books and pink potty ready to go. She loves to watch and read, but never wants to sit. I have avoided power struggling and getting anxious about it, as my mantra has been "attachment is the most important task of this first year". At school A sits on the potty 4 times a day, and has for many months, but NEVER puts anything in it. Peer pressure is great on the sitting, but I haven't been sure if A even understands you are supposed to put something in there. This week she surprised us all by peeing in the potty at school for the first time. Her teacher was so excited, she called me at work to tell me. I, of course, had a heart attack when the call from daycare came on my cell. I thought for sure there was an emergency when I saw it come up on my caller ID. I was in the middle of a session, but took the call as my heart was in my throat. Learning the true reason for the call was a total crack up (and obvious relief) that I had to share the nature of the "emergency" with my client. Anyway, I was so excited, we had a special cake after dinner and did the snoopy dance with wild abandon. Of course, she hasn't wanted to even sit since then.

This weekend we had an adventure with A's Fairy God Uncles (FGUs). It was one of their birthdays and we had an extravagant overnight stay downtown. We rode in a Limo and stayed at a 5 star hotel. My friends got an additional room for our babysitter (A's favorite teacher from daycare, who recently left) so the adults could do a spa day and fancy dinner. A had a blast, and her lucky mama did too. This morning while having yummy room service with the FGUs, A started doing the I'm about to poop lean. My friend asked her if she wanted to poop on the potty. I just about dropped my jaw when she said yes. I took her to the very fancy bathroom of the FGUs suite, and sat her down. Within a minute, she did it. If I didn't see the evidence, I would have never believe that this kid did it. So, her first poop on the potty was at a 5 star hotel. My girl has class! I'm guessing, though, she will not have a repeat performance tomorrow.

I share these stories to do bit of a proud mama brag, but also to sort things through. I continue to question if A has been more ready for taking steps than I have allowed myself to see, or is she going through a developmental growth spurt? I worry that my being so methodical, analytical, and a bit controlling, has the potential to hold her back, and I would never want to do that. On the other hand, maybe I am just thinking too much. For whatever reason, I totally understood my role in the attachment process, yet am feeling insecure about the balance of leading and following with the next round of steps. I suspect I will muddle through, as we all do, and figure it out as we go. It's just that the road map I was using just got a bit confusing.